i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
