we're chasing vodka with high fives
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
