we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
