Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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