If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize