naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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