So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
