soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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