JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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