i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
