Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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