Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
