my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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