i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Randomize
