she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
