I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
