I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
