Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
