Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
