I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
