I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
