lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
