get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
