some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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