my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
