I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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