You're so nebulous sometimes
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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