I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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