You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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