No, drunk sperm still make babies.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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