Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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