I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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