i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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