Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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