If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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