and you said cock pushups were impossible
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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