So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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