I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
