yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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