dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize