Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
