Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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