i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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