Non-Jews are for practice
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
