The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
