This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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