I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
