am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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