i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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