super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
