Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
