I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize