what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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