she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
