i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
