I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
