Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
