Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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