I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize