About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
