She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize