and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
