this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
