He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
