I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize