Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
