Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
