I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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