Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Someone shattered a urinal.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
