I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
