You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
