bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
