i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just want to make out with him forever
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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