how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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