why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
