not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
