Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
