I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
