he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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