He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
