maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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