how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
