I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize