dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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