I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
