I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
