I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
