I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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