oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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