So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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