Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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