I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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