nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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