i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
