i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
