I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
