We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize