I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
