I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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