I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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