Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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