i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
