She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
